Our manager, the machine gun

It is painfull to watch the Diamondbacks manager, Kirk Gibson, do post-game interviews.  If he knows baseball even twice as well as he speaks, the team is in trouble.

He is a man with no sentences, no commas and only a few semicolons.  To make matters worse, he is tone deaf.   Or in other words, he has no exclamation points either.  His words explode on the ear as a rat-a-tat-tat sub-machine gun in deep-drone.

“Ithoughthepitchedwellthroughthefifthhehadtroubleafterthatwithcontroltoomany3-2counts.”  Something like that.

Honestly, I have looked for the lobotomy scar.

The semi-colon comes at a rare moment in his monologue when there is only the tiniest of pauses.  But most definitely there is no period, no end of sentence.  No coming to a “single, complete and discernible stop.”  Gibson is guilty of, in baseball terms, a linguistic balk.   I didn’t check to see if both feet were planted on ground, as the rule states.

There are paragraphs.  They come at the moment Gibson has exhausted the subject.  He simply stops the smoking machine gun and awaits the next question from the media.

The bottom line is this.  I don’t see how you can manage a baseball team if you don’t have sentences and commas.  Without them, just thinking about something, any ol’ thing, and the nuances of, say, a ptiching performance are lost on you.  The performance becomes one long paragraph.  So maybe Pat Corbin has had an excellent game, but how can you break it down to analyze another aspect.  “Yes,  but I thought his velocity was a bit off”?  The missing comma lets stuff go by so fast it doesn’t stick and you can’t dwell on it.

So I have come to this conclusion.  The Diamondbacks will start playing better if their manager starts speaking with better punctuation.


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